My father Irving, Mr. Wonderful, was the most enthusiastic, fun, outgoing person I have ever known, but he had a private side, too, and occasional bouts with anxiety. People were ashamed to openly talk about their mental health back then, but Irving was much more self-aware – and self-conscious – than we, his children, ever realized, especially not during our wild, wonderful childhoods.
We now know that Irving actively tried to calm his thoughts and feelings by memorizing and mentally reciting positive affirmations, 17 of which we have a copy of, written in his own hand, transcribed into text below for easier reading.
I saw affirmation #6 in action one day when we were on an overnight visit with my then two-year-old daughter Jessica (the first Cross grandchild) to Grammy and Grandpa’s house in Swansea. Grandpa Irving carefully helped little Jessica get up onto a step ladder in front of the bathroom sink to brush her teeth, and as she looked at herself in the mirror, she innocently said, as if speaking to someone else, "I love you, Jessica."
Grandpa, looking in the mirror, smiled tenderly at Jessica and then at himself as he said, "And I love you, Irving."
Positive Self-Talk
Your mind creates your stress. As you think, so you become!
The extent to which we love and respect ourselves has a lot to do with how well we relate to the world around us and, consequently, with how much “stress” there is in our lives.
Following is a list of affirmations for building self-esteem. The way to use aspirations is to repeat them to yourself so frequently that you start believing them and living with them.
Consider taping this list to your bathroom mirror and reading it once through before work or taping it over your desk so its handy all day. Or you can take the affirmation each day, memorize it, and repeat it to yourself during spare moments – so it really sinks in.
Taking Charge Affirmations for Building Self-Esteem
1. I am a valuable and unique individual, and I am worthy of the respect of others.
2. I look / I am learning to look at life optimistically and I am eager to accept new challenges.
3. I am / I am learning to be kind, truthful, patient, and compassionate.
4. I am / I am learning to be optimistic about reaching my goals. I look at temporary setbacks as steppingstones to strengthened character and resolve.
5. I enjoy / I am learning to enjoy receiving compliments, and I enjoy helping others get recognition and credit for the work they do.
6. I feel / I am learning to feel warm, loving, and good about myself.
7. I am not affected / I am learning not to be affected by the negative opinion of others; I enjoy giving my best, growing in awareness, and striving to live up to my own high standards.
8. I am successful to the extent that I feel loving toward myself.
9. There is no one in the world who is more important than I am; there is no one that is less important.
10. Every day I make time to count my blessings.
11. I am / I am learning to be productive and efficient; I divide big jobs to be manageable (bite size) tasks and I do one thing at a time.
12. I am / I am learning to be gentle, forgiving and kind to myself.
13. I do not / I am learning not to worry. If something can be done about a problem here and now, I do it: otherwise, I let it go.
14. I appreciate / I am learning to appreciate every moment of my life. I don’t dwell on the dead past or the imagined future.
15. I love / I am learning to love everyone unconditionally, including myself.
16. I understand / I am learning to understand everyone and everything around me as my teacher.
17. I understand that to be upset over what I don’t have is to waste what I do have.
Alzada’s earliest and most vivid memory is from when she was just 18 months old. On the freezing-cold night of Feb. 2, 1928, she huddled in her mother’s arms in their Durfee Street home, crying and gagging on smoke, as the Great Fire of Fall River ravaged the city.
Alzada was subjected to a daily hairdressing ordeal she grew to hate. Susan spent a lot of time fussing over her daughter’s hair, using her fingers to form big, thick banana curls that were in style at the time. This ritual took place every single morning for years.
Little Alzada much preferred her dad's fun, free-spirited Weaver relatives to her mom's more formal, proper Gifford relatives. Mom loved her aunts and uncles on both sides, but as a child, she felt most at home with her down-to-earth Weaver extended family.
Alzada has a beautiful singing voice, and when she was in elementary school, she sang a solo in front of her class, a popular song at the time called, "When I Grow Too Old to Dream." It was an odd choice for a child, as it’s very mature and emotional – for a 10-year-old, at least.
Alzada's mother Susan was strict and protective. Alzada was her only daughter, and was forbidden to date or wear makeup until long after her friends began to do so. All of the other girls wore lipstick back then, in the mid-1940s, but Alzada had to be sneaky.
We don't have a single photo of Irving before he was driving a car – no happy baby pictures, no adorably awkward school photos, no Christmas postcards with his sisters. We’re very lucky, however, to have a copy of Irving’s ninth-grade report card from Henry Ford Junior High School.
Growing up, Alzada regularly visited her Grandmother Alzada’s gravesite, and she often saw her grandmother’s beautiful face in the one treasured photo that exists – and yet, there was no denying that Alzada Estes Weaver Cross positively HATED her first name.
Alzada's BFF Betty was born Barbara Elizabeth Wise on September 26, 1926 in Fall River. Their friendship began at Durfee High School, from which they graduated in 1944, and by the end of the ‘40s, Betty would also become Alzada’s sister-in-law – and roommate!
Alzada and Irving were attracted to each other at first sight. It was 1949 and Alzada, age 23, was working the soda fountain at the corner drugstore in Fall River. One day, a handsome pinball-playing customer caught her eye, and the rest is history.
Irving and Alzada became Mr. and Mrs. Cross on Friday, February 17, 1950. It was a freezing cold day, but the temperature doesn’t matter when you’re so much in love, and you don’t need fancy proposals and expensive frills to get married.
Though she didn’t know it at the time, Alzada’s adolescence prepared her for her future role as the mother of a big family in a small house. When Alzada was growing up there were only two beds in their small Fall River home at 733 New Boston Road.
Alzada was always a reluctant but willing victim. She would try anything. Consider the first (and LAST) time she tried to ski. It was the 1960s and we were at King Pine in Madison, NH, a family-friendly ski house with all-you-can-eat bacon for breakfast.
Irving would enter us Cross kids into track meets, even though we had no formal training whatsoever. What we did have in abundance was love and encouragement from both of our parents — and the chance to shine.
Irving was the ringleader of all the fun we had together as a family — the camping trips, the road trips, the track meets, the crazy driving around in parking lots – and Alzada was always right there with us, our biggest cheerleader – most of the time.
When our youngest brother Dana was four years old, our Mom, who was approaching 40, began a whole new career as a mechanical assembler at Raytheon, working second shift for two decades, all while being a full-time wife and mother of six children.
Irving was a kind and helpful person by nature, and during the hitchhiking craze of the 1960s–70s, he gave many different folks a lift. The most memorable and oft-told instance occurred in the summer of 1966.
There we were – me in a wheelchair and Grammy moving at the same glacial pace. With family frolicking in the pool, we both took the chance. Neither of us prepared for it, we ventured in anyway, fully clothed.
A self-aware perfectionist, Irving was no stranger to poor self-esteem and overwhelming anxiety, and we're fortunate to have a copy of the 17 handwritten affirmations he often recited to himself to deal with negative thoughts and feelings.
Saturday, Nov. 12, 2022 | Good morning, everyone. We are here today to honor Alzada’s passing and to celebrate her wonderful life – a life that touched and inspired us in so many different ways.
