Saturday, Nov. 12, 2022
Good morning, everyone. We are here today to honor Alzada’s passing and to celebrate her wonderful life – a life that touched and inspired us in so many different ways.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote, “Death is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you lived.”
For many years I didn’t understand why one would use the word “celebrate” when someone dies. However, after dad died, I began to understand why. It is easy for me today, to describe mom’s passing as a celebration of the wonderful life she lived…that to have spent a long life of 96 years lovingly devoted to her family and friends is an affirmation and celebration of her life.
At this moment I am thinking of mom’s 10 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren. This is a time for them to further appreciate Mom’s life and how her journey can help them in their own lives. The life that she led and the goals that she set were very intentional.
When mom first saw the love of her life, she was working at a local store in Fall River. She saw this young man playing a pin ball machine. She didn’t see his face at first, but only what she described as “those swinging hips.” Soon after, she started putting extra ice cream in his milk shakes. Well, it worked. Dad proposed to mom shortly after that.
Dad and mom were married on a Friday night on February 17, 1950, at the First Baptist Church in Fall River. Dad worked that day and at the end of the day was laid off from his job. He went home got dressed and arrived at the church. During the ceremony dad fainted and when he woke up, he was told that he was married. There has been a lot of speculation over the years as to whether he faked his fainting spell in the hopes of postponing the wedding, but mom made sure that when they left the church they were married.
They started their marriage with very little money and arrived at their new home, a run down, one-bedroom apartment, with hardly any furniture. They had to borrow a blanket because they didn’t have one and all they had in their kitchen was two forks and two spoons. That is how they began their life together.
For most of us, we might think that starting off a new marriage like this would not be our first wish. But with the love that they had for each other they were the happiest people alive. Although they didn’t have many possessions, they had a plan for their future. From that time on they executed their plan flawlessly. They pledged to each other that they would have a happy home with many happy children having fun and laughter in their daily lives.
What an incredible family life we have all had. All of my siblings have been so fortunate to have Mom in our lives for so long. Quite extraordinary, actually, for any family.
Mom had this way of making each of her children feel special. She provided us with the tools to lead a meaningful life and to be loving individuals. She was blessed to live a long life and thus witnessed her 10 grandchildren following in her footsteps and leading good lives.
We know that they were successful with their pledge, and the best part is that while they were alive, they realized their success. They worked hard to spend quality family time together, always putting family first.
To this day, all of her children and grandchildren made time to be with her. It wasn’t for any sense of obligation that they spent time with her, but for the constant love, laughter, tenderness, and warmth that she provided to all of them.
It was quite an experience living in such a small house with six kids, two parents, and only one bathroom. Mom and dad were a loving couple and expressed affection to each other every day. That was apparently why they had six kids.
Mom was very intelligent and, as you know, had a great memory. To give you an example of her extraordinary memory, not only did she know at 94 years old every birthday, month, day, and year of her children, but she also remembered each location in which these children were conceived!! (I put that in the eulogy just to see if you were paying attention)
She showed us how to respect all people and to be generous, helpful and kind to others.
Mom was always there for us. If you asked mom for some advice, usually her first words were “will it make you happy?” And when dad became ill and needed mom the most, without a thought or reservation, she was there for him doing her best to be his caregiver and his loving partner. She was always positive and hopeful about their future together and the lives of her children.
One worry that her children had when dad died was whether Mom would lose her zest for life. I asked her, one day after dad died, if she wanted to go to heaven soon, to be with Irving. To our joy she said she could wait. She was also worried that she would have a difficult time finding him in heaven. My brothers and I assured her that wouldn’t be a problem. All she will have to do is go to the local bar in heaven and find him playing cards, having a few beers.
We always tried to do something special for Mom. For many years after dad died, I would take her out each week for dinner and then go to play cards with her approximately 60 friends. The year before Covid she won the championship for top high low jack player. She was so very thankful each week. It was during this time that I began to hold her hand so that she wouldn’t fall, instantly having a flash back remembering when I was a young child with her holding my hand as we crossed the street, realizing then that our roles have been reversed.
What I did for her was small in comparison to what all my brothers and sisters did for her. As Mom got older and less self-reliant, she did not want to go to a nursing home. She never had to go a nursing home because my brother Brian, a very special person, took the unbelievable responsibility to be her caregiver 24/7. My sister Pam, being a nurse for almost 50 years, also took care of both dad and mom while working full-time at the hospital. It was just something to marvel, seeing them do what they did for their mother. When I think of heroes in my life, I think of them first for all their love, time, work, and devotion that they took. What an example for our grandchildren to witness.
All of our brothers, sisters, spouses, grandchildren, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, nephews, nieces, cousins, and friends have been the reason for our family’s happiness, and we will always be grateful.
I would like the grandchildren to never forget four words from this eulogy that I hope will benefit them as they continue on their life’s journey. Those four words are, “two forks, two spoons.” Pretty simple to remember, and by remembering these words it will remind you of what is really important in life — love and family.
I think I have laid out the case that we should not be sad for long and that we will continue to be a happy, close family just like mom and dad wanted us to be long after they were gone.
Mom, it is now time for you to be reunited with Irving. Let him know that the entire family is looking forward to many years of happiness because of the planting of the seeds that you both have provided.
I don’t think there has been many people who have been so loved as you have been. You could never have imagined that your life plan worked to perfection — you created the family of your dreams that you set out to have.
We love you Mom – forever. Our fond memories of you will be a comfort to us for the rest of our lives. And we will continue to be a strong family sharing our stories with much laughter. Laughter was and still is our center piece of affection that we have for each other.
At 2:40 a.m., this past Monday, Mom took her last breath. It was a surreal moment in our lives, and I will never forget Pam and Deborah lying in the bed with mom after she passed. Pam and Deb were exhausted and had closed their eyes along-side mom. Shortly after this the funeral director arrived. Brian and I were in the living room to greet her and her assistant. They expressed their condolences with Brian leading them to the bedroom. As they were about to enter the bedroom, and upon seeing my mom and two sisters laying in the bed, my brother says to them, “My mother is the one on the left.”
I don’t know if Brian was just trying to be helpful to the funeral director or was just reassuring his family that humor was still alive and well in our family.
Mom, your legacy will continue to remind us all how we should live our lives. We will always remember your warm hands and your warm heart.
You have provided us with a path for a wonderful life filled with love and happiness. You have shown us that to have a truly rich life, all you need is love and, don’t forget – you only need two forks and two spoons.
Alzada’s earliest and most vivid memory is from when she was just 18 months old. On the freezing-cold night of Feb. 2, 1928, she huddled in her mother’s arms in their Durfee Street home, crying and gagging on smoke, as the Great Fire of Fall River ravaged the city.
Alzada was subjected to a daily hairdressing ordeal she grew to hate. Susan spent a lot of time fussing over her daughter’s hair, using her fingers to form big, thick banana curls that were in style at the time. This ritual took place every single morning for years.
Little Alzada much preferred her dad's fun, free-spirited Weaver relatives to her mom's more formal, proper Gifford relatives. Mom loved her aunts and uncles on both sides, but as a child, she felt most at home with her down-to-earth Weaver extended family.
Alzada has a beautiful singing voice, and when she was in elementary school, she sang a solo in front of her class, a popular song at the time called, "When I Grow Too Old to Dream." It was an odd choice for a child, as it’s very mature and emotional – for a 10-year-old, at least.
Alzada's mother Susan was strict and protective. Alzada was her only daughter, and was forbidden to date or wear makeup until long after her friends began to do so. All of the other girls wore lipstick back then, in the mid-1940s, but Alzada had to be sneaky.
We don't have a single photo of Irving before he was driving a car – no happy baby pictures, no adorably awkward school photos, no Christmas postcards with his sisters. We’re very lucky, however, to have a copy of Irving’s ninth-grade report card from Henry Ford Junior High School.
Growing up, Alzada regularly visited her Grandmother Alzada’s gravesite, and she often saw her grandmother’s beautiful face in the one treasured photo that exists – and yet, there was no denying that Alzada Estes Weaver Cross positively HATED her first name.
Alzada's BFF Betty was born Barbara Elizabeth Wise on September 26, 1926 in Fall River. Their friendship began at Durfee High School, from which they graduated in 1944, and by the end of the ‘40s, Betty would also become Alzada’s sister-in-law – and roommate!
Alzada and Irving were attracted to each other at first sight. It was 1949 and Alzada, age 23, was working the soda fountain at the corner drugstore in Fall River. One day, a handsome pinball-playing customer caught her eye, and the rest is history.
Irving and Alzada became Mr. and Mrs. Cross on Friday, February 17, 1950. It was a freezing cold day, but the temperature doesn’t matter when you’re so much in love, and you don’t need fancy proposals and expensive frills to get married.
Though she didn’t know it at the time, Alzada’s adolescence prepared her for her future role as the mother of a big family in a small house. When Alzada was growing up there were only two beds in their small Fall River home at 733 New Boston Road.
Alzada was always a reluctant but willing victim. She would try anything. Consider the first (and LAST) time she tried to ski. It was the 1960s and we were at King Pine in Madison, NH, a family-friendly ski house with all-you-can-eat bacon for breakfast.
Irving would enter us Cross kids into track meets, even though we had no formal training whatsoever. What we did have in abundance was love and encouragement from both of our parents — and the chance to shine.
Irving was the ringleader of all the fun we had together as a family — the camping trips, the road trips, the track meets, the crazy driving around in parking lots – and Alzada was always right there with us, our biggest cheerleader – most of the time.
When our youngest brother Dana was four years old, our Mom, who was approaching 40, began a whole new career as a mechanical assembler at Raytheon, working second shift for two decades, all while being a full-time wife and mother of six children.
Irving was a kind and helpful person by nature, and during the hitchhiking craze of the 1960s–70s, he gave many different folks a lift. The most memorable and oft-told instance occurred in the summer of 1966.
There we were – me in a wheelchair and Grammy moving at the same glacial pace. With family frolicking in the pool, we both took the chance. Neither of us prepared for it, we ventured in anyway, fully clothed.
A self-aware perfectionist, Irving was no stranger to poor self-esteem and overwhelming anxiety, and we're fortunate to have a copy of the 17 handwritten affirmations he often recited to himself to deal with negative thoughts and feelings.
Saturday, Nov. 12, 2022 | Good morning, everyone. We are here today to honor Alzada’s passing and to celebrate her wonderful life – a life that touched and inspired us in so many different ways.
